…says someone in the midst of studying for her candidacy exams.
Everything is really loud. The wind clanging the blinds together. The guy upstairs walking to what I presume is his refrigerator, given the sound patterns. Me typing. Me talking — even when people tell me to speak up. (I’m always loud. Don’t they get it? Loud, loud, loud.) Cars — need I say more about cars? The hallways at school, filled with feet and hands and mouths and papers and hair and eyelids and trashcans and mop buckets and plastic wheels and cellphones and clocks (some living, some dead) and doors and windows and air units and keyboards and beeps and teeth and light switches and flickering fluorescents and benches and…
I am home today, writing. And reading. I’m just wrapping up a five-week writing course, a course that I taught and enjoyed and feel exhausted over. The quarter system is fast-paced. The half-quarter system is even more fast-paced.
Scissors make noise. As does cardstock. But cutting out rainbow infinity signs is a welcome break from grading, a more welcoming sort of noise:
I literally hate all fruit: it’s not a taste thing (usually); it’s wholly tactile. The only two fruits I can stand are apples and cantaloupe — and, even then, they have to be cut a certain way, in very tiny pieces, for me to stand them. Fruit is slimy and chunky and gross, and biting often involves a sensation that I imagine is analogous to chewing styrofoam or eyeballs.
I’ve taken to getting nutritional value by eating baby food, specifically, banana baby food. All fears of potassium deficiency can be alleviated, thanks to Gerber. Of course, many people find it “strange” or “psychotic” that an adult woman would willingly eat and enjoy baby food. I think the invisibility of sensory dysfunction affects me most — why is pureed food such a “bad” or “socially inappropriate” thing? Why are soft foods infantile and chewy steaks manly? Who made these decisions?
Gerber, fresh from the freezer.
I loathe chunks, gag on chunks, and baby food hasn’t got any chunks. It also hasn’t got any pulp, and I don’t have to worry about my lips touching the food because I can spoon the food straight into my mouth. (Dirty/gritty sensations on my lips drive me into panic. Literally. I am the paper napkin/wet nap queen.)